I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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