When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
