It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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