Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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