Moan for me like Helen Keller
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
