Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
