I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
