I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
