I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
