Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
