Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
