You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Randomize
