I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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