24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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