I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
