Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
