Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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