RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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