member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
