best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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