imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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