words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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