she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They have beer where we have blood.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
