Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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