Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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