I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
