Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
