just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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