I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
