but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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