His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
