This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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