it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
