Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
