he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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