You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
