I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
