I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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