is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can text with my tongue
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
