yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drake has all the answers
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
