So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
