What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
