Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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