I only kidnapped one of them. chill
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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