VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
