You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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