Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
