Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
