im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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