What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
