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U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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