My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
