There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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