Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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