New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
