Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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