Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
