as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
