I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
