I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
