CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
