I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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