defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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