I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
