I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
