My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
