Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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