Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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