so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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