by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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