in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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