I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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