Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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