well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
