omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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