So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
